I’m at a community event, seated at a table with friends at various stages of life. I quickly do the life cycle calculation to figure out what to talk about with the one who is seated right next to me. She looks kind of askance or maybe it’s just my middle-aged paranoia that’s kicking in, but I have the definite feeling that I’ve committed a major faux pas by talking to this woman.

Have I rudely interrupted a conversation? If I had a daughter (which I don’t) and she were sitting nearby,  would she be totally mortified by my socially inappropriate behavior? Is it totally crazy that I initiated a conversation with someone who is not my age, fifty-seven and nine months?

Welcome to my middle-aged time warp, where one stage flows into the other for me, and I’m no longer bound by my age. These days I have friends who are all ages, and I like it that way, thank you very much. There’s a part of me in every age, and I haven’t forgotten what it feels like to be each age and to go through each stage. I find myself relating well to all of them.

But sometimes, like in the above scenario, my friendly and uninhibited overtures may not be appreciated by the younger set. You see, for me it makes sense to move through different social groups and relate to my twenty-five year old self who figured things out. In my mind’s eye, my kids are little and I’m sitting in the park as they climb the slides, play in the sandbox and slap another kid because “he took my shovel!” The only difference is now I’m figuring out how to advise my adult child when he asks me what to do when someone else got the job he was after.

I recall being thirty years old, participating in  PTA meetings (or “parent/teacher conferences” as they are called nowadays!), hearing about my children’s classroom behavior, and assessing whether or not  the teacher gets my kid.

I remember clearly what it was like to be in my thirties and forties, establishing my career, juggling the kids’ after-school activities and friendships, as well as my own, trying to do it all. If that’s even possible. That hasn’t changed either; the skill of finding balance comes up nowadays as well, every single day.

After marrying off my children and going through the accompanying emotions, I’ve become a mother-in-law and a grandmother. But on the inside, I’m still that young mom. I identify with her, with the struggle to figure things out.

When I was younger, I would stick to socializing with those my age. Time was very definite and linear. Each year I’d learn new things, as if going from grade to grade in school and thinking that I could discard the lessons learned in previous years at the sound of the bell. My friends were culled from very definite categories: carpool, parents of kids in my kids’ classes, those whose children did play-dates with my kids, shul friends and neighbors on the block. Everything had to have a reason, a group, a setting. And the right age stamped onto it to be able to enter the club.

Now I no longer view age as a factor in a relationship. I move back and forth in “time” as I relate to different aspects of different life experiences. In concrete terms this means I can have a fulfilling and deep conversation with an older person at a nursing home if we find a common thread. And five minutes after that, I can have a DMC with a college-aged girl in my neighborhood.

I’ve got friends who in their thirties and forties, moms of kids who are the same age as my grandsons. When I’m talking to them, I forget about the age factor (and I like to believe they do too!). We talk about experiences, we share ideas –as long as there’s time in our schedules.

There are friends who are a half generation older than I am – somewhere between my older sister and my mother (for lack of a better way to explain it). Sixties, seventies, eighties and beyond.

When I first got married, I thought these people were very ahem, mature. Now, I see them as equals. Okay, they’re marrying off grandchildren and have great-grandchildren already, but so what? We can each enjoy each others’ wisdom and learn from each other. I know I learn from them – their relaxed attitude, their faith, hope and gratitude to Hashem for their blessings.

I look at my daughters-in-law,  and I marvel at their strengths. They have a long journey ahead of them, of course, but when I’m with them, I am not the old, mature “know-it-all” because that mindset won’t help me – or them. I leave all my hard-earned wisdom inside my head without over-advising. Because you know…boundaries. We are relating in the present, two human beings.

So I suppose this time warp – which I mock – is really just human nature and not some warped perception of time. What was relevant in those days is still applicable today. We learn from the past and apply it to our present days.

At the end of the day, we are all human beings going through this life, figuring things out, using our G-d given tools, experiencing our feelings and learning and growing from our mistakes.

And that’s true for every human of every age and in every time.

A version of this article appeared in Binah Magazine in December 2017.