I couldn’t sleep the other night. Again. I was thinking about one of my grandsons and how he is jealous of his brother. I was worried about it, and I even called my daughter-in-law the next morning and gave them advice to buy the book “Siblings Without Rivalry.” My daughter-in-law’s response?

“Ma, it’s not that bad. Relax!”

It’s not? Oh.

In my mind I was picturing the older one beating up the younger one, and the younger one screaming in defense, running away, and begging to anyone who would listen, “Heeeeee—elp me!”

I was having a flash back. That’s what my own boys did (many years ago). Could it be that I was enmeshing my own experience with my married couple’s experience?

Could be. Doesn’t help anyone. Our children have their experiences with sibling rivalry and all that it entails, as do our kids.

I used to find it funny when grandparents (read: mothers-in-law) would talk about their 50 year old sons as if they were still 6 years old.

“Oh – I still remember little Moishe’la and the adorable sailor outfit he wore to the bar mitzvah…”

“Ma, what year is it now? 2012? Why are we reminiscing about my outfit from 40 plus years ago?”

And even worse is the following “nag” by a mother-in-law (not me, ever!)

“Listen Tzvi, be careful of the kids’ self esteem, and never argue in front of them, and make sure they know they are loved…”

“Ma we know, we know…”

It takes my waking up from the dream, living in the here and the now, and shaking myself out of the fantasy of living in the past….to help me realize how unproductive it is to enmesh my children with my grandkids.

And so I make a conscious decision to let my grandchildren be their own little people, and not keep relating them to some behavior of their parent…

Even though it just seems like yesterday when……