Today, I came across a thread on Facebook where Mayim Bialik was being praised for a huge accomplishment of being the next guest host on the Jeopardy show.  The post and thread popped up on my feed and I noted that people wrote “Yay,” “Whoopee!,” “Congratulations” and other words of accolades. All made sense to me. She’s got a lot of fans already, and Jeopardy is very popular, even more so in the aftermath of the death of its longtime host Alex Trebek. So the fact that Mayim was chosen to be one of the many temporary guest hosts until they choose a permanent one, is a cause for excitement.

And besides, if any of you have watched Jeopoardy, it’s a show that has a vibe of enthusiasm. The air of excitement in the air is palbable, due to the host’s outgoing demeanor and the excitement of the contestants.

Apparently one person did not think so.

One person wrote, “hold off on the Yays; I’m Enthusiasm Intolerant.”  I capitalized that phrase because I realized this is a thing. I googled it and apparently it’s when a person finds someone to be over-the-top enthusiastic and thus, lacking awareness of nuance. And some people just don’t like being around a rah-rah environment. I guess they’ve created a phrase for themselves: enthusiastic intolerance (cousin of lactose intolerant?).

I’m not sure what problem that commenter had with Mayim Bialik’s enthusiasm as well as her fans’ excitement that she was going on Jeopardy as a guest host. I mean, it’s a huge thing. The word “yay” shows excitement, positivity. What’s wrong with that?

Well, I thought about it (long enough to decide to write this post!), and decided that I’d prefer to err on the side of enthusaism and happiness, even if that takes away from some of my nuanced thinking. So much for “E.I” – Enthusiasm Intolerance. There, I gave it an acronym. E.I.

Move over Emotional Intelligence. Enter Enthusiasm Intolerance.

Children are sometimes intolerant of overly enthusiastic responses.

When I was a child, one of my uncles called me “Miriam Stern Face.”  (Stern was my maiden name, so play on words there!) Supposedly, I was a serious kid who didn’t like to be called “cute.” Whenever I’d say something that the adults would laugh at (hence be enthusiastic), I’d think they were not taking me seriously! And I’d get all pouty. Go figure. I guess I didn’t realize that being cute was a compliment.

I was talking to one of my adult kids recently about this, and he says he remembers feeling the same way. Like why are the adults making such a huge thing over something I said, when I, (a mature four-year-old) knows how obvious it is?

Then, we grow up and we realize that it’s okay to say thank you when someone gives you a compliment. It’s appropriate to be pleased when others admire what we say or do, and being pouty and angry when given compliments is not really so healthy for relationships.

Fast forward to my childhood and teenage years. I’m not sure if I was the most positive person; I had my whiny moments and complaints as most teenagers do, but when as I grew into adulthood, I realized that I project this very positive persona. People often tell me that I smile a lot. I’m not sure if it’s a compliment (there I go analyzing) to smile all the time. But, hey, I”ll take it.

So thank you to those who appreciate my smiles. I appreciate yours, as well.

This idea of smiling and being positive, along with receiving compliments in a welcoming way, rather than arguing with the complimenter (kind of a negative behavior, I would say), got me thinking.

How much do we encourage and compliment others? Do we feel others won’t believe us or like us if we’re too effusive with praise? Do we think it’s cooler (and smarter?) to be critical and find fault? Do we think it’s okay to hold back from compliments for fear of being too eager?

Do we think we’ll be perceived as insincere if we give too many compliments? Maybe. I can see where anything – even compliments – should be given with measure. Nobody likes to be flattered.

But here’s the thing: Compliments and positivity – not criticism and negativity – are what brings growth. Good leaders, good communicators, and good friends are free with their kind words. Not flattery, but kind and sincere words.

I”m thinking back to my days when I was in school training to become a music therapist and later when I studied for my Master’s in Special Education. Most of my learning was achieved with the positive feedback I received from my supervisors and professors. Sure, there was always the small thing they would comment on that I needed to work on. There’s always room for growth. But my confidence was built with acknowledging what I was already doing right and knowing to continue doing those things and making them even better. Knowing all that gave me the courage to stretch myself to fix the stuff that wasn’t working.

So bottom line, it’s okay to accept compliments. When someone tells you you look good, just say thank you. Don’t overthink whether they really mean it, or whether it’s true, or whether they just don’t really know. Just accept it. Say thank you.

And likewise, when you see something in someone else that is worthy of a compliment or kind word, say it.  Don’t hold back. Giving people encouragement helps everyone. “Good job,” “I like the way you do that,” are only some ways to show appreciation in specific ways.

And I, for one, have tuned in to the first day of  two weeks’ airing of Jeopardy with Mayim Bialik as guest host, and so far she’s doing amaaazing on Jeopardy, the best game show!  How’s that for enthusiastic?!

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