When I first became a mom, I was inundated with advice from certain people who had been there and done that and wanted to share with me the way to do things. Much of this advice ranged from how I diapered my child, to how warmly I dressed him in outdoor weather, to how I spoke to him. Much was unsolicited. But some of it on topics of toilet training, terrible-twos (and threes!), and other more grey areas were actually triggered by my asking a question or venting and then getting more than I actually asked for. I soon learned not to share my parenting struggles with the overly sharing/teaching kinds of people. In the end, I figured it all out (or most of it) and am here to tell the story.

Now I’m a grandmother and I’m on the other side of the bassinet. Our youngest son and his wife had a baby and I laugh at myself sometimes (actually a lot of the time). It’s kind of amusing to hear myself sometimes talk (and talk and talk) and have to shush myself up, because it’s oh so tempting to want to share, reminisce, offer tips, and wise words from the past.

Thankfully, I’m self aware enough to stop myself, even if it’s after I’ve already spilled out paragraphs of reminiscence in the guise of well-meaning advice. There are many reasons why advice to young moms should be given sparingly. One is that it’s overwhelming, stress-inducing, and totally annoying. Another is the need for humans to figure things out on their own. What we realize with our own minds and experience, sticks with us and is more meaningful. Finally, one person’s past experiences may often be too general and not relevant to the receiver’s situation. My story about the way I cured the diaper rash of my oldest child back in the day is completely not helpful to my grandchild who has impetigo on his chin (he doesn’t, but it’s just an example!).

They’ll figure it out.

Often when someone will ask me for my opinion on something, I become hesitant to teach. I do like to share though, which sometimes gets me into trouble, because there’s a very fine crayon line between sharing and bombarding with advice.

They’ll figure it out.

So even when I have the temptation to share the story of putting my kids on their stomachs, or the details of how I handled temper tantrums, I keep my mouth shut (or try to), because I know that they know and G-d knows that…

Yes, they will figure it all out.