When I looked through the Amazon reviews before ordering the book “Unmatched” by Sarah Lavane, I was struck by the long, passionate praise of the book. Very few reviewers wrote “great book,” or “go get it. I loved it.” They took the time to  compose  meaningful paragraphs relaying to prospective readers the book’s value.

In  her memoir, Sarah Lavane shares her story of her difficult time finding her soulmate and hitting wall after wall, in efforts to simply find a man with whom she can connect. And so many people are connecting to her struggle and yearning. So many are finding her story a story that had to be told. Single, married, young, old and middle aged, men, women are touched by this sad, happy, funny, sophisticated and true story.

I ripped through this page turner in which Sarah, daughter of Holocaust survivors, begins by describing  her childhood in Brooklyn. Sarah presents as a dreamy, if not slightly romantic and optimistic young girl who excelled in school. She  had many friends and attended Brooklyn college after high school to pursue a degree in Computer Science.

When she started to date specifically for marriage as  is the custom in the Orthodox Jewish world, Sarah encountered the occasional lousy  dates and mismatches. As her story  continues, the reader realizes that Sarah is stuck in a case of anyone who wants me in his club is not the club I want to go to. It just seemed like the good guys were deemed not suitable for various reasons and the other guys were such jerks that any objective person would turn them down. And so she continues on her path as a professional computer scientist and serial dater of blind dates which were going nowhere.

I  admired Sarah for her honest and raw representation of what occurred. The book is a string of scenarios of date after date with men who have descriptive names created by the author to protect both the guilty or innocent. From the guy named “Water” who paid for water and then  left her at the restaurant  without paying to the guy, “Singular”  who was singularly interesting and compelling but led her on a string of dates, breaking up, getting back together before dropping her like a hot potato. Next week Sarah finds out Singular is engaged.

Nope. Sarah didn’t have it easy.

In natural and easy-going prose, she regales her frustrations, and outlook. Her humor and banter are a window into her  mind and observations. While she allows the reader into her world with irony  and lightness, she emits a deep and soulful sense of longing.  Sarah longs  to simply find a decent man to connect to, marry, settle down and build a loving home.

Truth is stranger than fiction and indeed Sarah’s story is hard to believe. One needs a tremendous suspension of belief to accept  the way she was treated by these men as the author’s truth.

It seems that the chances of finding one’s mate is so darn difficult. It’s perfectly described by the great rabbis as a comparison to splitting of the sea. Indeed, Sarah was repeatedly  set up with guys who were  older guys, each one stranger than the one before.  Some of them lacked social skills and basic decency. Others had nothing in common with her, or so she assessed when she would say no to a second date.

And so the train wreck of Sarah’s challenges, makes one wonder how Sarah  could possibly  go on.

And yet, time after time, Sarah dusted herself off and picked herself up… kept on going. She didn’t blame the matchmaker. Nor did she blame religion or the system. All she did was try new things, meet new people, and just carry on day after day with grace.

 

Anyone who cares about the current and long matchmaking/dating crisis will benefit from reading the book. Singles find comfort in seeing that  they are not alone. Married individuals gain insight and empathy for the overwhelming suffering of singles these days. Men would benefit from reading it if only to get a hint that girls are people too. Matchmakers will learn to  bite their tongues before admonishing a single with “oh you’re not trying hard enough…” Rabbis will also develop even more sympathy, tact and compassion for what the protagonist endured.

The story  does not end happily (yet!) but God can create a miracle so that the next fellow who comes to the door will be Mr. Right.

Unmatched is available on Amazon. At our book club we didn’t use the usual study questions,  but we discussed freely and  with depth. Some of my friends  wonder if there will be a sequel. We eagerly await the next book by Sarah Lavane, a superb author unmatched in her ability tell a gripping, real and honest story.