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Carpool Lament
I love nostalgia – the good, the bad, and the scary. Every so often, I have one of those classic nightmares, similar to the one where I found myself taking a test after forgetting to study for an exam. Except my version is the Carpool Nightmare, where I’m no longer a midlife mom, but I’m back as a young mom who forgot to arrange carpool, while out of town to visit family. My poor kids and their friends are stranded in the school’s courtyard. I wake up from said dream sweating.
Carpools were a key part of our child-raising years, our days entangled with carpool details. When we weren’t driving carpools (which was hardly ever what with the various kids’ schedules), we were covering for someone else. And if we weren’t doing that, we were talking about it, planning it, making complicated charts for the moms to follow. Not to mention the agonizing over who gets morning or afternoon, depending on the various moms’ work and life schedules.
Those days, I’d scribble to-do lists on napkins, backs of envelopes, or sticky post-it notes. I loved my journal; I relished crossing off completed items one by one. Writing my lists gave me a feeling of control, even if most of the list was “eat breakfast, drive carpool, eat lunch, call doctor, drive carpool, arrange carpool…” I mean, who could get anything done in those days without checking the clock. Time went very fast when there was always a carpool lurking around the corner.
Carpools. Oh, how we loved to hate them, but inside we felt guilty for complaining; we knew we were blessed to have children to drive home. Even if those children fought or argued or kvetched in said carpools. That’s how a friend and I devised the “Quiet Game.” Whoever kept quiet for the entire ride home from school, got a candy. It worked like a charm.
We’d know Carpool Craze would mess up our plans, but we filled books with to-do tasks. I’d write those long lists in my fancy journals and binders. I’d categorize them and color-code them. I’d have short-term and long-term lists and over a period of time I actually accomplished many goals. But carpool trumped everything. Carpool was this huge force that you didn’t tamper with.
My most vivid memory of child-raising was sitting on those long carpool lines, edging my car forward and listening to the staff-holding-megaphone call out my child’s name. If my friends or I had to miss a carpool, it was a huge headache to get someone to switch. And to miss too many times, we were branded an uncooperative carpooler – not a good omen for future matches with
disgruntled carpool organizers.
Carpools took up blocks of my day, precluding my accomplishing other activities from taking place in a reasonable amount of time. An item could sit on that list for weeks and be carried over to the next day and next and next…with various added exclamation points to remind oneself to get it done already.
Doctor appointments, extra errands, phone calls, were squeezed in between the driving to and from school. The carpools were somewhat of a do-or-die. The bane of our existence. We’d plan my day around carpool duties and if that meant pushing off other things in life, then so be it. Life could wait.
Carpools could not. So much was riding on those carpools. We wouldn’t dare mess with them. Our future reputation as a carpooler, our friendships, our children’s trust in us to pick them up on time….so much was at stake. The concerns were real.
These days in midlife, I have no such worries about the non-negotiable carpool taking up the bulk of my day. But, while I don’t have that concern, I have nostalgia. I think longingly about those days and remind myself how the carpool days prepared us for the realization that time marches on. We can plan and plan to do myriad tasks but at the end of the day (literally), there’s really not much that’s so important. At any given stage in our life, we set our priorities.. Yesterday
our priorities were carpools. Today, there are other things. Things that take up the bulk of our day. Things that remind us, no, no, no…don’t plan so much. What’s the point of planning? You’ll have to stop and do the metaphorical carpool and that’s so much more important.
The act of going day afer day and pick up my precious children and bring them home safely for a warm supper at home, was a very important task. It grounded us. It strengthened us. They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and I’d have to say I’m one pretty strong lady, having driven hundreds of carpools from when my oldest started school I’ll my youngest finished driving.
So, I ask you: Anyone need a grandmother to do their carpool out there? I’m available! (not!)
Image courtesy of Shutterstock.
A version of this article appeared in Five Towns Jewish Home
That is a very very cute article! I always loved carpool and the responsibility I felt , which yes, gave me a sense of control and strength. And the interesting and sweet talks we would have on the 15 minute ride home – one area where I felt like the ‘ best mom’-Theses past several years, I have driven carpool as a grandmother- a very different experience, indeed! First of all, it isnt regular-I would just drive carpool on a substitute , emergency basis. So the kids are always delighted to have a novel situation, seeing Bubby means stopping for a treat ( sometimes!) or something special!- Secondly, , not being the mom, but the Bubby, I have a different relationship with the precious cargo where the kids often love hearing about how their parents were when they were young and got picked up from school. And I also enjoy meeting the other kids, from other families, who are part of the carpool.!
Yes, many memories came from carpooling! I still enjoy it and look forward to more opportunities to pick up the carpool! Your article is so sweet- really touched a chord in me! Thank you for your wisdom and insights.
Sweet: The Way We Were…????