I know people in my area who are devoted grandmothers but their kids live far away, and they miss them.

They don’t share that “sadness,” because they are grateful for their many blessings. Grateful for the fact that their kids are happily married and have healthy and adorable children in another city or country. They are thankful for the skyping, emails, texts, whatsApps, phone calls, letters, photos, and social media shared with them by their children. The artwork of their grandchildren is posted all over their kitchen bulletin boards and fridge doors. They are appreciative of the wonderful and loving relationships they have with their long-distance grandchildren.

But those of us who do have children nearby know that these friends feel like they’re missing out. They lack the daily or even weekly interaction of family gatherings. They recognize that they can’t just send over an apple kugel to their adult children for the kids. And they feel sometimes a wee-bit sad that they don’t have the pleasure of being at a grandchildren’s Chanukah play, or the opportunities for babysitting their grandchildren.

These long-distance grandmother (LDGs) are happy for their friends who are in-town-grandmothers (ITGs). And they even enjoy seeing their friends’ grandkids around their town. But what I’ve learned as an ITG from some friends who are LDGs is that they are have their own particular longing, much as many of us have our longings in several parts of our life.

No one would consider talking excessively to a childless couple or one with a disabled child about one’s own talented children. G-d knows, I’ve made mistakes and done that at times, but not without extreme regret afterward and promising myself to be better in the future. So, we all know that bragging is not our most attractive trait.

(Disclaimer: I’m not talking about sharing positive things about our children or ourselves in a way that shows ours or their struggles and growth. That’s perhaps useful to those who are listening, and even inspirational.)

But there’s a whole other level of bragging – called humble-bragging, that I find particularly egregious. Humble-bragging- the oblivious – somewhat passive aggressive cousin of the conscious bragger — is loosely translated as posting something online or sharing something in person that comes across as a self-deprecating, humble and modest comment, but is really a subtle attempt to squeeze in a brag.

While the bragger knows that he or she is boasting, and just does it anyway, the humble-bragger masks the bragging with humility. So the listener is focused on the humility and even praises the humble-bragger for it. But deep down, it hurts the listener.

Much has been written online or elsewhere about this phenomenon. This is nothing new. But it’s something that I, as a grandmother have recently become conscious to work on myself not to do this.

For example, a grandmother says to her friend who she knows doesn’t have any children living nearby, “I can’t meet with you because I’m so overwhelmed today – I have to babysit my grandkids.” Now, that may seem like an innocent comment, but in truth it implies that this grandmother is busy, overwhelmed, and overworked with a job that in reality should be enjoyable. And is probably something that the listener would be more than happy to have in her life.

Now, I’m not going to be picky about those who want to share with others about their busy lives that they are involved with their grandchildren. Maybe their adult children truly need their support and help and there could be lots of burdens that they are helping ease with their children. And that’s a good thing. I’m not here to judge.

But why share it that way with those who miss their grandchildren and rarely get to see them?

In fact, humble-bragging in my opinion should be replaced by straight out boasting and that would be even better. See, if they want to share about their grandkids, or their proud moments, do it. Say it. But don’t hide it behind a humble-brag.

Here’s another example: Your grandchild (or child) got accepted to several universities of their choice. Rather than say, “Oh, I’m so overwhelmed with the decision where our child will go….” why not just say, “I”m so proud of my child who got accepted to such and such school?”

I’m talking to myself here. I’m sure there have been (and will continue to be) moments where I slip and complain about something to others who only wish they had that to complain about. The trick is for me to be aware and try not to do that.

Like these kinds of comments.

Because humble-bragging is kind of irritating and annoying.

And not really very humble.

And that is my own, (not very…) humble…opinion.