I’ve been thinking nostalgically about the good old days when politics wasn’t fraught with so much tension.

A favorite song of mine, “Try to Remember” from the musical,  “The Fantasticks” comes to mind. It’s a lovely melody with longing and nostagia for better times. Later on in the song, the singer reflects  “Deep in December it’s nice to remember….” more positive thoughts. (See lyrics down below!)

One of my earliest political memories was ironically a tense day historically, but one that  set the relaxed tone of my political understandings. It was the day of JFK’s death in November 1963. I was three and a half and I came home from daycare; everyone was sitting in a room in the back of the house.  Someone calmly explained to me that the president  had died. I saw that the adults were watching his funeral on television.

I accepted this in a matter-of-fact manner – the death of a great leader,  who was far removed from my day-to-day personal life. That was my introduction to the world of politics. Politics was what  you overheard the grownups talking in knowing and confident ways. Politics was about regular people who led our country, who made mistakes sometimes, and who had bad things and good things happen to them. Politics was what we got to voice our concern or approval – or both. We had opportunities to effect change through our single vote.

I trusted the system. When I was in first or second grade, I remember my mother telling me that you didn’t say who you were voting for, and it was a secret ballot and private.  There was no reason to defend, deny or confirm. You had your opinions based on research, reading the papers, studying the issues based on your values. And then,  you cast your ballot and moved on.

When I turned eighteen and was old enough to vote, I appreciated that right of a secret ballot.

Back in the day, if you became acquainted with someone from another political party, you just talked about safe subjects: Sports, family, the weather. Certain topics were not discussed in polite company: politics, religion, race. We knew that others were different in various ways but it wasn’t brought up.

When people complained that Reagan “was just an actor,” and “how could he be a good president?” the conversation wouldn’t go much further. The response would be “that’s their opinion, let’s see what happens.” There was not much at stake. You liked him? Fine. You didn’t like him? Also fine.

If someone criticized Bill Clinton for his infidelities, the response would be, “But he’s a good president…” or “Look how he’s built up the economy…” and that would pretty much close the conversation.

For many of us, politics was devoid of heated emotion. People were nuanced, and people had various personalities, but the politics themselves reflected those nuances. Your opinions may have been black or white. Red or blue. Democrat or Republican. But you had the understanding that the other side also had their views.

You chose the color, or shade, philosophy or genre and you stuck to that point of view. You heard the other person’s opinion, you shook your head, and said, “maybe,” or “maybe not,” and then you moved on. You did what you had to do in your own life. Go to work. Go to school. Effect change in your own community.

You listened. You took in what the other person said, you read opposing viewpoints in various newspapers and discarded what you didn’t like, without the anger.

In earlier years, politics was not a subject that polite people brought up in a contentious manner. People could be friends with those who were (gasp) from another party, and not even know it.

Today, politics has gone haywire. Political topics are  loaded with emotion. You discuss it with everyone. On social media. On the bus, the train, in the market, and at family meals. Even if you know – or especially if you know — that someone is from a different party than you are,  you engage in conversation about politics. You argue, debate, philosophize, and rant. You vent, complain, criticize and bemoan.

Today, people  get into heated  conversations with each other and differences of opinion are often catalysts for personal insults. And these discussions go nowhere. Nothing changes.

People feel compelled to share who they voted for and then defend their decision. They become vulnerable to name-calling by simply sharing their political leanings. Appreciation of people’s shades of personality are discarded when we find out that someone has the audacity to believe in a different political persuasion than us. We  have no problem ascribing terrible adjectives to those who dare disagree with us politically.

Some may say this is okay. After all, if the “other” political party has a view that’s immoral, illegal, or evil, then we ought to condemn those people.

But, I maintain that’s not the correct way. I believe that since we know we can’t change other people, but only ourselves, we ought to stop the fighting. We might try  to effect change in the  way we believe is the right way.  For ourselves. In our own private voting booth; in our own private lives, doing the best we can with the tools that we have.

Let’s elect to be our own person, with our own views. Let’s be confident in our opinions, without feeling the need to disparage other people’s votes.

And may the outcome of our individual private voting booths bring peace and harmony to all.

Lyrics to “Try To Remember”

by Harvey Schmidt and Tom Jones (from “The Fantasticks”)