I recall graduating from Miriam to Mrs. Hendeles. At first it was a bit awkward. The only ones who called me Mrs. Hendeles were store owners and other non-friends. I was only twenty years old, newly married, and why in the world would friends or even acquaintances refer to me as “Mrs. Hendeles?” How stiff is that?

But then gradually as I eased into married life, I began to hear that title more often. And when hearing it, I felt like an impostor. I felt like a fraud. People named Mrs. were supposed to be grownup and mature – like my mom’s friends, like my teachers and other adults.

But on the other hand, I felt as if I was graduating into the big girls’ world. I was now a mature adult and I could be proud. So I wore my new name with a mixture of embarrassment, ….and yes, pride.

My husband, by contrast, detested being called Mr. Hendeles. Every time anyone called him Mr., he immediately corrected them and said, “Listen, my father is Mr. Hendeles. I’m not Mr. Hendeles.”

All that newness wore off eventually, and we are happily Mr. and Mrs. Hendeles. Occasionally, someone will call my husband, Rabbi and he appropriately corrects them. He has not been ordained as a rabbi, and does not have the official title. True, he may be a scholar, but by profession he’s not a rabbi.

Not Such Nonsense: A matter of choice

Titles are very interesting. I know someone who calls me “Mrs. Hendeles” all the time, and as much as I try to correct her, plead with her, beg her to call me by my first name, she keeps calling me Mrs. Hendeles. She’s not my student, and never was. She’s not my any of my daughters-in-laws’ friends,which may be an excuse to call me Mrs.

But still, she insists. So I allow it. I guess I don’t have any particularly strong opinions about this topic (except where I do!), and you can call me Mrs. , or call me by my first name, just don’t call me late…to…..ahhhhh

You get the idea. Some like it hot, and others like it cold. In other words, it is a matter of preference, notwithstanding good manners and children being proper and calling adults by Mr. or Mrs. ….

For more on this topic of titles, protocol and communication, you may check out  my new “What’s In a Name” article on the Zujava Website.